Ascension and 5D; an Explanation and The Squeeze

Around the month of May, deep in the Pandemic still, waking up on day 90 something of being in the woods in South Carolina, something happened that was Different. I’d organized my days so that they were all the same, without knowing why, beyond a hazy idea that some structure in the face of uncertainty was what I needed at the time. I woke up at the same time, exercised, ate the same things every day, worked, finished work and went on a walk in the same direction. This felt right to me and I was able to keep my mind at peace. One day in May, on my afternoon walk, I started concentrating on a large black bird that was circling overhead. My bird identification is shaky at best, so I was unaware if it was a hawk or vulture or some other creature; I just found myself appreciating it’s smooth circling style. I also felt in my awareness the sound of the wind rustling through the trees, and the gentle response of their branches. The result of this gentle concentration and soft awareness was a kind of walking meditation. Then the thing happened that was Different. I suddenly felt my awareness zoom out, out of my body center and expand upward, kind of like those 3D computer models of the universe, where you start with an atom and zoom out to distant galaxies, becoming aware of how small we actually are. While those models can be jarring (that’s the point I think), this experience I was having increased my peace exponentially.

Along with the experience of zooming out came an understanding that everything was happening as it was meant to happen. That there was nothing to attain, nothing to gain, nothing to strive for, that I and everyone and all that is was exactly where we were. Period. Not where we were “supposed to be”, that things were easier than that. That we were all intricately connected and in perfect play, not by some divine plan striving toward something, but just by existing for the point of existing. Does that difference make sense? The idea that we are where we are supposed to be implies that there is some plan for us; this was even more peaceful than that, it just WAS. And at that moment I was allowed to let go of all my striving, planning, and yearning. I just was perfectly part of it all.

After May, we headed back to Atlanta, to gently resume our lives in some form, carefully, moving out of isolation into some other form of isolation: a silent agreement we all seemed to make around the same time to try. I went through a period of conflicting emotions around this; excitement at being back in my space, and grief for the end of the Pause. As scary as the Pause was, I saw the way nature responded to having less people’s carbon footprints all over it, and I grieved for the trees and the rivers who would once again suffer pollution. Forgive me for this romanticism, but it’s true, it’s still a major part of my daily grief.

I also grieved for the end of my structure. Back home my life was different. I was no longer living with two other adults, my mother in law and father in law, as I was during isolation, which meant I was now home alone with Sam, my four year old son. While this is a joy to me, because of our own sweet rhythms of cohabitation that exist only when we are two, I also knew it would mean my strict routine was ended. It meant the end of my nightly walks as well, as there’s no national forest outside my Atlanta door. Some people need cities and some need country. I need the woods. But I digress.

Before we came back home, when I was still in SC, I began seeing posts about Ascension. Curious, as I tend to get about spiritual things, I started deep diving into research. I joined some groups that were talking about this, as well as talking about something called 5D. I learned that multiple people were having similar spiritual experiences during the Pandemic. It’s not my interest to try to figure out other reasons why; I’m sure turning a scientific or psychological lens upon it will yield other examples. My interest was in what they were reporting as the why; a Spiritual Shift in the Universe. I capitalize this because it’s an EVENT. They named it Ascension into 5D.

Please know from here on out as I explain this, that there’s no pressure for you to believe this. I’m simply explaining what I’ve learned, to provide context to my journey. It’s my personal belief that Belief is one of my guiding stars; anything that leads me further on the mystic journey is welcome in my life as long as I feel into it as a path of love and growth. There is no need for you to believe in any of this; just witness.

The belief in such groups is that we are currently residing in a 3D universe. Here they use the word 3D to describe not a dimensional space, but a spiritual one. 3D is defined as crude, full of hate and anger and fear, and of something called low vibration. Low vibration is a space where lower forms of beings exist; like demons, or sometimes some ghosts, or anything that feeds off of fear and anger. There are many things contributing to this 3D space to keep it low vibration, including our media, who sensationalize fear and anger. These groups offer an esoteric answer to why; that they are intentionally feeding those beings, keeping us in 3D as a type of fuel. I’m not asking you to believe all this, just providing knowledge of the whole experience.

Moving onto 5D; 5D is described as where people are ascending to. 5D is a space of love, clarity, peace, community. It’s a space where energy gifts, like reiki, clairvoyance, telepathy, etc are openly explored and used, and accepted as normal. It’s an overlay on the current 3D world; it’s where healers exist and are being called to move to to help others reach it. Not everyone will reach 5D; one has to let go of anger, hatred, blame, shame, and do some deep work of love and light. One has to raise one’s vibration.

These are the basics of 3D, 5D, and ascension. There was more to ascension though, as I was seeing in my research. Many people had similar experiences, but not all had the same ones.

And then came June.

I found myself one day in extreme emotional pain, unlike anything I’d experienced before in my life. When I say unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, I don’t mean that it’s the greatest emotional pain I’ve ever felt; I lost my husband in 2017 and my best friend/soulmate in 2011. I lost the love of my life in 2011 as well as I fell into a great depression full of addiction and could no longer hold together that relationship. What I mean by “unlike anything I’d experienced before in my life” is literally that it was unlike anything I’d ever experienced before in my life. The pain was unfamiliar pain. The feeling that came with the pain I labeled The Squeeze, and it was also completely foreign feeling.

The Days of The Squeeze

As I said, I found myself one day in June in extreme emotional pain. It felt like I was being squeezed, like my energetic body was being slowly pulled through a small tube. At the same time I felt a heaviness and grief come upon me that was so unlike any grief I’d experienced before. It was a profound loss of Self. It was a stripping bare, a slow grinding. This feeling was all consuming and it came on all at once. I could do nothing; I couldn’t move. I stayed in my bed for three days; crying. All I felt was loss, loss, loss, bare, bare, bare. There was nowhere to hide; nothing could distract it. And the whole time I felt this squeezing, a feeling almost like I couldn’t even breathe I was so tightly being pulled.

And then, one night, around 10:30pm, my four year old son already fast asleep beside me, I popped through.

If you’ll forgive me the obvious analogy, it felt like being birthed. I felt like the tube was actually a spiritual birth canal, and I’d been born. Reborn.

And the process of the popping through, the birthing, was unique in itself. First, I heard drums, great, deep, booming drums. Then I was “shown” (I use the word shown here because it felt like I was given a vision) a great room full of people, and not just people, but beings. I recognized some of the beings. There was the shaman who facilitated my Ayuhausca journey in 2018. He was pulling on different cords of the universe, playing with them, manipulating them, as if pulling on long strings hanging from the heavens. He was full of knowing and joy. And there was his girlfriend, a well-known artist in my area, dancing near him, jumping and twirling as if light itself lended her feet wings. There were others there, my therapist, who is a practicing shaman also, sitting more seriously nearby drumming his drum in unison. There were many others, and everyone was circling a great fire, which let off an energy beam that shot straight through the center of the world. And I was told that this was the spiritual realm/space of the lightworkers. They were there, as beacons of the beam, as vessels of love, beaming out into the universe love, love, love, love; this was their purpose here. And I was to join them. By my passage through, by my birthing into this space, I had joined them.

And sitting nearby, further from the fire, knees pointed upward and arms wrapped around them, head tucked down toward the chest and back curled, were the ones who had yet to awaken. Unaware of the activity. happening behind them, they slept. Unaware that all they had to do was turn around. And then I knew the Truth of it all, that I’d never been alone. That none of us are ever alone, that we are always held by those that have broken through. That we were never far from the fire and those who hold us in love. That there was no journey that was needed to be made even; all one had to do was turn around.

I also was aware that this spiritual center was also a battle of sorts; that this love was combating in some sense the pain and anger and hatred in the universe. That even sounds too directive; it’s just the way it is. There are those and this is what they do. This is what we do.

This was my ascension. And the truth was that maybe all the pain was unnecessary; all I had to do was turn around. Or maybe it is necessary; I don’t know. All I know is that it’s always been there; they’ve always been there. Being alone is an illusion. We are never alone, we are always held in love.

Along with all this came an immediate rush of incredible, immeasurable joy, tears of gratitude, and all the love that I could possibly feel rushing in at once. And full of gratitude, I said, “I’m open, bring me that which needs to be” and into my room stepped Orion (the constellation) and the Moon. And I don’t know how else to explain it except it happened, they stepped in through my window. And then I was completely and utterly speechless.

I’ll say one more thing before I go. A few days after this occurred, I noticed that one of my friends on facebook was having a rough time, and I sensed it was similar to the grief I felt. I reached out and asked her about her experience, and she described The Squeeze to a T. This is a friend who is highly in tune with energy as well, and lives a spiritual life with an active practice. I told her to hang on, and described what happened to me when I broke through. She reached out days later and said she also heard the drums, and was filled with Love, and the knowledge that everything she did was supported in the fullest.

I add this to show similarity in experience. I’ve also reached out in my groups to ask if anyone has gone through this similarly and a few people have reported they have.

I’ll leave it at that. This is my story of 5D, and my ascension, and the rest is for another post. Many mysterious and wonderful things have happened to me since then, and I’m grateful to share them.

Much love,

Jen