That Thing That's Bringing You Stress? That's Opportunity.
That thing that’s bringing you stress? That’s opportunity.
The Universe is giving you exactly what you need.
There’s a way of existing in this life that is in flow with your own deep needs. The universe will find where you are uncomfortable, and create bigger and bigger situations for you until you finally practice the growth lesson and break through. For example, if you need to work on boundaries, the universe will put you in situations where you have to create them.
Example: You have a hard time choosing your own happiness over the comfort of others. You have a hard time saying no. You sacrifice your own happiness in order to not rock the boat, create conflict, or stand firm. You find the idea of doing so very uncomfortable.
Opportunity: You are getting married and you don’t want to invite your father and his new wife because you don’t like either of them much, and it would make your mother, who you are close to, uncomfortable. But you can’t figure out a way to make this work without hurting either your father and his new wife, or your mom and yourself. In your mind, you imagine a peaceful, happy experience, where everyone gets along and there is no tension, but that’s not what will happen if they come. What do you do?
You can stress and stress about this situation but the reality is that you have to make a choice, and someone will have to be told no. This is your chance to practice boundaries, and choosing your own happiness. This situation hasn’t risen by chance. The universe has provided it to you in a big way, so that you can practice boundary setting. Just by recognizing this as an opportunity instead of a crises, you can reframe the experience in your mind, switching it from a negative, stressful, no-way-out situation to a positive growth experience. Try it.
Ok, but how? How do you try it?
Start by closing your eyes, and coming into your body. Let your thoughts come and go. When you feel in touch with your inner self, think about your situation, and what’s causing you stress. Ask yourself, what needs attention here? Where and how am I being asked to grow? How can I look at this as an opportunity for growth? Can I feel gratitude for the universe providing me with this opportunity to grow? Can I recognize that I won’t be here forever, and that I’ll look back on this soon and know exactly why it happened? And be thankful because I’ve grown?
If you can’t see the direct way in which you are being asked to grow, don’t worry. Just sit with it. Feel the bad feelings, and accept them. Thank them for being your teacher. Invite them to stay as long as is needed. And recognize that when you make the choice to honor your truth and your growth, they will go. They want you to grow toward love. They are your friends.
Let’s look at another example:
Example #2: You were previously hurt very badly in a past relationship, where trust was violated. Now you are in a new relationship and you can’t seem to trust the person you are with, despite being with them for long enough to know, as best you can know, that they are trust-worthy. Your mind keeps spiraling down and you keep taking it out on them, and then you feel shame when you are wrong. What do you do?
Opportunity: This is an opportunity to take what’s called Personal Responsibility, or an opportunity to embrace the unknowing nature of life, and to trust that. The very first thing you need to do is admit that you didn’t take care of yourself very well in your past relationship. When I say admit, I mean accept. And when I say accept, I mean forgive. Forgive yourself. You were doing the best you could. Or if you already did this, then this is an opportunity to work on embracing the truth of life. The truth of life is that you can never 100 percent know what another person is thinking, feeling, and doing. The truth of life is that everything is temporary. This relationship will not last. It may be because of a violation of trust, or it may be for a number of other reasons, including death of one of you. So what do you do?
You breathe into it. You take personal responsibility for your own healing and feelings. Next time you start to spiral out you lean into body work for anxiety. You exhale for 5 seconds to activate your vagus nerve, and calm your system. You ask yourself “What’s wrong RIGHT NOW?’ to bring your presence back to your body (your anxiety exists only in the future. There’s nothing wrong right now except that you are living in the future instead of the now.) You see a therapist or call a friend and talk it out. You get stronger. And you trust. You trust that you can’t have trust, that you can’t trust another person 100 percent, and you trust that no matter what, you’ll survive it. You’ll be ok. And it is not your partner’s responsibility to make sure you are ok. It’s yours to know that all this is temporary and that you have a right to grab your own moments of joy and say fuck the rest, that you have control over yourself in the present moment, and that’s it. It’s your responsibility to have a come to Jesus moment with that, to understand it, and to accept it, and not try to change the world. The world doesn’t let us have that kind of control. You just have to leap into the unknown, and it may be ok, or something that hurts you might happen, but no matter what, you’ll get through it. And if you don’t, and you die, it won’t matter anymore to you anyway. This is how you grow.
By changing the way we experience what we perceive as our suffering, we can suffer less. We make space for other things that serve us much better. We invite more acceptance, happiness, gratitude, and love into our lives when we view our suffering as an opportunity. We accept our suffering, accept that it’s a gift for growth, and as we do so, the result is an appreciation of our situation, a gratitude at the opportunity to experience, the opportunity to grow. All this results in our suffering less. The way out is through, friends. It’s through acceptance and gratitude. Everything changes, even this. And when you live this way, the universe responds happily, providing you with what you need, and seeking out your gratitude. This is the secret those people who claim to have the secret have.
Try it, see what happens. If you are having difficulty reframing it, send me a message! I’ll post it anonymously on this blog and reframe it for you, to help you live in gratitude, to help you experience growth, a little less painfully. Ask me! I’m here for you. Growing together! Write me at jendrinkardllc@gmail.com
